


Wish you were closer

by Andrin_rin



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Feelings, I don't know how time lord telepathy works, I'm Sorry, Idiots in Love, Kissing, Sad Ending, Spoilers for Episode: s12e01-02 Spyfall, Telepathic Bond, Telepathic Sex, Telepathy, That scene on the Eiffel tower, i guess?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-24 20:01:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22163599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andrin_rin/pseuds/Andrin_rin
Summary: When the Doctor meets the Master on top of the Eiffel Tower, old feelings are laid bare.Basically a rewrite of that scene on the Eiffel Tower, but with more feelings and kissing, because that's what we need and deserve.
Relationships: The Doctor/The Master (Doctor Who), Thirteenth Doctor/The Master (Dhawan)
Comments: 20
Kudos: 157





	Wish you were closer

**Author's Note:**

> There just aren't enough fanfics about these two, so I decided to do something about it.  
> Also I've just been heavily obsessing ever since the last episode aired and needed an outlet.

The wind is icy and biting, when she finally sets foot on the balcony.

Slightly out of breath from climbing up the stairs, she doubles over for a moment to get her breathing in rhythm again.

„Its cold up here!“ She calls over the sirens and scrunches up her face, as the winter coldness makes her eyes water and bites into her skin.

Her hearts are beating even faster inside her chest now, and she isn’t sure the cause is sprinting here from Noors place.

He is so close.

She can see him standing there, leaning on the banister, his back turned towards her, but of course she knows it’s him, her mind is instinctively reaching out to his, trying to make contact again.

Longing for it, craving it.

Standing so, so close, it still feels unreal, even though it is the third time in only a few hours they are meeting face to face, but it feels like it’s real only now. Now that they are finally alone.

He doesn’t answer her, just turns his head, into her direction for a split second, before averting his gaze again, looking down at the burning city beneath them, while the Doctor walks over to him and bends over the railing next to him.

„It’s worse than Jodrell Bank!“ She bends forward even further, dangling her upper body almost completely over the banister and and throws al look down to the streets, while the icy wind blows through her hair.

Finally the Master turns to her. Finally looks at her.

„Did I ever apologize for that?“

_Of course you didn’t._ A part of her wants to bite back, but she’s missed him too much for that.

Although she has to admit, that his voice sounds almost remorseful.

It makes her hearts ache.

„No“ she shoots back instead, but keeps her voice light. She needs this right now. Needs this conversation to keep going on on this fine line of friendliness. The knowledge of how easily this whole encounter could turn, in only a second, scares her, but she quickly shakes off the thought.

_No Doctor, for now you just focus on the moment!_ she tells herself. _Focus on him._

„Good.“ He grins. _That bastard._ It should make her angry. It doesn’t.

Instead she can’t help herself and grins back at him in response.

Its shouldn’t feel this easy, should it?

Not when he’s trying to take over the universe again, not when her friends could be dying right this moment, while she’s up here chatting and not when she’s already plotting against him, even while talking to him.

But it is. _Easy._

Feels so easy talking so him, like a heavy weight has been lifted from her hearts.

A weight that has been there ever since she left behind Missy on a mondasian colony ship on the edge of a black hole in another life.

It feels like she finally has her best friend back.

„Hows the shoulder?“ She teases him and her grin grows wider.

 _So easy._ Her heartsbeat does a weird little flip, when he turns to her completely.

„Painful.“ He shoots her a toothy grin.

 _He’s enjoying this way too much,_ she thinks and furrows her brows. Then again, who is she to say that, when she also is enjoying it way too much for her own good.

Her eyebrows still furrowed, she eyes him up and down. Of course he’s still wearing the uniform. _Of course._ Hidden beneath the floor boards in Noor´s home she couldn’t really get a look at him but now she does.

Under other circumstances she would have appreciated a uniform on him, even she has to admit he looks good in it. (Not that she’d ever tell him that)

But its a _Nazi_ uniform and if _that_ doesn’t take the fun out of she doesn’t know what else would.

It makes her furrow her eyebrows even more and now she’s full on frowning at him.

„I don’t like what you’re wearing!“ She claims and it’s only a half lie. „Or the company you keep.“ That one isn’t a lie at all. Allying himself with _Nazis._ That’s low, even for him, what even was he thinking!

He actually gives a slight nod at her words and looks away for a split second. The motion almost makes him look ashamed. _At least he has a little bit of common sense left. At least that, he sees is wrong. At least that._

„How have you managed that? You’re not exactly the Arian Archetype.“

„Tiny Teutonic psychic perception filter.“ _Of course_ „Learned it in school.“

The last words make her insides hurt in an odd way. Just him mentioning their school days, does all kinds of things to her body and she can’t tell if she likes it or not. It makes her feel light headed and giddy, but in a painfully nostalgic way.

She hopes he can’t see the way her face twitches, hopes he doesn’t feel what she’s feeling, hopes he can’t hear her thoughts, but of course he does.

Not completely maybe, but the mental contact they made before still feels so fresh and she knows the connection hasn’t fully dissolved yet.

Their minds are too familiar with each other, even after all these years apart.

This tiny bit of contact made their mental connection as strong again, as it was during their days at the Academy, when they used to spend more time in the others mind, than in their own.

Feeling his mind sticking to hers like that makes her feel like a schoolboy all over again and it’s bittersweet.

The connection being so fresh again, but closing her mind to it is physically hurting her. Every part of her aching, trying to reach out to his mind. So close to her. _So close._

She looks at him and sees it in is eyes too. Knows that he knows what she’s feeling in this moment, knows that he knows, that she knows.

„Let’s people see what they want to see.“ He just continues his explanation ignoring the tension between them. Part of her is relieved, part of her is screaming, deep down inside of her, wishing he wouldn’t do this. Wishing he wouldn’t ignore what they clearly both just felt.

But then again.

She really isn’t better, now is she?

_Lets people see what they want to see._

„Im assuming it was you who hijacked the MI6 car?“ _And it’s back to business._

„That was fun.“ The Master is grinning again, but it doesn’t feel the way it did earlier. There’s underlying tension to it, that makes the doctor feel even more on edge. _Dangerous._

_We’re walking a fine line. You and I._

„And assassinated Q.“ The Doctor can feel the anger growing inside of her now and she remembers the way he killed all these innocent people back at the invention exhibition.

_You forgot, Doctor. So selfish. You wanted him to be your friend again so badly, you forgot about what he did._

_You just saw… what you wanted to see._

She’s even angrier now, but the anger is equally directed at herself.

_How could she still need him this much._

„Mandraffian laser rifle. One shot.“ It’s so clearly a brag and she’s clenching her fists. Why did he have to start _gloating_ about this now. Why is he making it so _hard_ for her.

Her anger is making his grin even wider. He can feel her burning inside, and he is relishing the sensation. She knows. Can _feel_ it.

„I’ve still got an eye for it.“ Of course he still has. She wishes he hadn’t.

His grin is gone now and he is standing _so close_.

_Another step. So close._

He is standing so close to her now, that they are almost touching. Just another step and their clothes would brush against each other , just another step and she would be able to feel his warm breath on her skin. The wind would blow through her hair and the strands would tickle his face. Her hearts are racing, at an unhealthy speed.

So close.

She twitches forward slightly to lean into him, just as he turns from her and steps away.

_Get yourself together._

„Why were the Kasaavin assassinating spies?“ _Don’t forget, why you’re really here, Doctor._

She needs to get him to talk, theres still so much about this whole situation, that she just doesn’t understand. So many puzzle pieces, that just don’t seem to fit together.The chances, that he will actually explain something, are very slim, but her friends are out there and she at least has to try.

_Stickt to the plan._

_Don’t let him get to you. Not matter how much you want._

„Earths intelligence services started to realize their presence.“ He shrugs.

„So, what, you brought the Kasaavin to Earth?“

„They were already here“ The grin is back now, as a bitter chuckle escapes him. „I just persuaded them that we had interests in common. The Kasaavin are embedded across the whole of this universe, spies from another dimension. As I said to Mr. Barton…think of them as Russia…but bigger.“ As he is talking, he’s coming closer again. Looking directly into her eyes.

It’s a weird moment to realize it, but she notices, he’s a little bit taller than her. Just a few centimeters not much to make a real difference, but she is so used to being almost half a head or more taller than him, that that it feels unfamiliar. Him almost looking down to her this time around. She can see -and feel- that he realized too. His grin grows wider and she can sense just how much he’s enjoying it.

It’s probably some weird achievement to him. Finally regenerating taller than her. He’ll probably be gloating about it in the future, she can almost hear him.

_In the future. If there actually is one for us._

„Sleeper agents everywhere, waiting to be activated, amassing information, in case they need to attack“ _He is still looking at her. Standing so close._ She is shuddering, isn’t sure it’s from the cold, her breath is coming raggedy now, she’s having trouble keeping calm.

„And I mean“ he continues, taking a step even closer. „you know me“ Oh how she knows him. He is still so familiar to her it scares her. „I cant help myself“ his voice almost sounds soft now and he is so close.

_I cant help myself._

His grin is back „I have to stick my oar in.“ And again he’s turning away.

She tries to understand what he’s saying. What everything he’s telling her _means_. Why is thinking so unbelievably hard when he’s close, its like her thoughts are made of jelly and she’s aimlessly swimming around. All she can still think about is him.

_It’s him. It's him. It’s him._

_Look, Doctor. He is right here in front of you. So close. You have him back. Finally. Does that mean nothing to you?_

_Focus!_ She shushes herself. _Focus Doctor! Remember, your friends are out there. You’re saving the universe. Focus._

_„_ What have you done?“ The anger makes itself known again. Hot and burning inside her chest.

„Suggested a better Plan.“ A better plan. What exactly has he offered the Kasaavin, that they agreed to the Masters plan?

The Doctor knows she looks scared, when she just keeps looking at him. Who is she even kidding, she is scared, she can’t think, there’s just too much going on. Her brain is feeling all fuzzy from the Masters presence and her thoughts are running at high speed.

But she just can think.

Of course he knows. He knows she is scared, of course. With the connection still not fully closed, he can feel her fear and anger just how she can feel his glee.

Her phone ringing throws her back into reality, letting her know that Ada and Noor found the Masters T.A.R.D.I.S..

Her plan is coming into action.

_The game is on._

„Oh, must change the ringtone!“ She starts rambling to keep him distracted. Let him think this isn’t important. „Sent it to voicemail. Probably just asking if I’ve had an accident in the last five years!“ Behind her back she activates her sonic to record, while she klicks the call away. „They hate it when you give them a list, though, don’t they?“

„Why didn’t you die when the Kasaavin attacked you?“ He doesn’t answer her question, she registers. Of course he would just react to her questions with other questions.

„Me and Yaz, both time travelers, fizzing with artron energy and my DNA not matching the rest of humanity, we confused them. And I don’t think they’re as stable in this Dimension as they’d like to be. What deal have you made with them?“

„I showed them and Barton what was possible. They helped me lay a trap for you and I raised their ambitions.“ Again he is standing with his back turned towards her, looking down at the streets of the city. „But of course, ultimately the Kasaavin are just the mechanism. They…they don’t have my vision. You know?“ A pained expression flickers over his features. Old and familiar but still so new for her to see. It reminds her of that time on earth so long ago. So many lives before this. When it was just them.

_Will it stop then._

The desperation she saw in his eyes then, the pain she felt from him, when he showed her the drums reminds her so much of what she can see behind his eyes right in this moment.

_Why cant he just stop._ She thinks. _Please stop this._ She wants to cry. But what good will it do. They’ve already been here so many times it feels like they’ve already had this conversation over a million times.

Instead she asks „And what vision is that?“ Even though she already knows his answer.

„Maximum carnage.“

„I don’t understand.“

„No, no, I know you don’t. But you will. And of course, the best thing is, everyone loses, except me.“

_How about that._

_I win._

„Barton and those creatures, they do the dirty work, and once they’re done, I get rid of them, having destroyed your precious human race in the process.“ She can feel his rage, his anger burning away inside him and it scares her. There is so much rage.

_What happened to you._ She wants to ask. _Let me help you. Please how can I help you._

But he is threatening to destroy earth and she has to focus on the danger he posed right now. Has to remind herself that right now they aren’t Koschei and Theta against the rest of the universe. Right now, he is the Master and he is threatening everything she loves and holds dear. Right now she is the Doctor. And today the Doctor needs to save the universe.

_Focus, Doctor!_

„Win. Win. Win.“ He is still grinning at her.

_I win._

_How about that._

„Wen does all this stop for you? The games? The betrayals? The killings?“

„Why would it stop? I mean, how else would I get your attention?“ This is what this is all about? He is trying to get her attention? Surely he must know he needs to do much less than whatever this is supposed to be, to get her attention. Surely he must _know._

„When did you last go home?“ He turns his head away from her. This isn’t what she was expect him to say at all. What did he mean by that? What did that mean with anything that was going on at the moment?

„What do you mean?“

When he turns to face her again, for a moment she thinks he is crying.

„I took a trip home. To Gallifrey. Hiding in its little bubble universe. Not sure how to describe what I found. `Pulverised´? `Burned´? ´Nuked`? All of the Above.“ Staring up to the helicopters flying their rounds in the burning sky around them, he looks away from her.

An ice cold feeling of dread wrapped itself around her hearts. She can feel the Masters hurt, his pain. Can feel the truthfulness behind his words, but still her mind cant seem to register what he’s telling her.

„Someone destroyed it“ his voice is laced with agony as he makes sudden eye contact. „Our home…razed to the ground.“ Tears fill his eyes, but still the underlying rage is there. _Burning._

She wants to reach out so much. Wants to hold him. _Wants him to hold her._

_She doesn’t._

_Our home._ When has she last thought of Gallifrey as her home. The way he say it she can almost believe it. _Our home._

_Home is where you are._ She wants to say, but these are words from too many lifetimes ago. When it was just them. When she thought that everything she would ever need was to be with him.

Before it was all ruined.

„Everyone killed“ his pain is turning more and more into anger, laying bare the underlying rage burning through every other of his emotions. „Everything burned.“

It’s almost too much for her. She has already problems dealing with her own emotions, has already trouble comprehending what unbelievable things he is telling her, and above all that she can feel his emotions as clearly as her own.

He is instinctively searching out their connection and she can feel _him._ She can feel _everything._

_It’s too much._

A part of her can feel that he’s telling her the truth. Can feel that his pain is genuine.

But theres an other part of her that tells her that she can’t trust him. Can’t trust anything he says. That part of her tells her that it’s all just a ploy. Part of a clever plan to distract her.

Even though it feels wrong the left corner of her mouth twitches up into an unbelieving smile, that really isn’t a smile at all.

„You’re lying.“ She hopes he is. _He needs to be lying. Please let him be lying._

„You should really take a look.“ She really doesn’t want to. She’s too scared, that for once he is actually telling her the truth so she just scoffs.

„Of course you wouldn’t believe me. Why would you?“ His voice is rough and theres an underlying bitterness to his words, that pains her somewhere deep inside.

Suddenly she realizes how close he has come, while they were talking. Again their clothes are almost brushing together. He is standing so close to her, she could swear that she can feel his body heat. Can almost hear the beating of his hearts.

Her breath speeds up und her eyes flicker down to his lips. Of course he notices and with a grin he closes the distance between them with his last step.

Now she can feel the front of his leather coat brushing up against her dress shirt, and his heartsbeat under his clothes, almost beating as fast as hers. The buckle of his belt is pressing softly into her stomach.

The Masters breath is warm on her skin as she mentally reaches out.

_Contact._

Their minds touch and this time it’s not just to communicate. His thoughts brush softly over hers and its pure bliss. their emotions are one their minds are one, and for a moment she can almost imagine, that everything between them is fine.

One of his hands lands firmly just above her hip, while he slips his other hand up to the back of her neck. The leather of his gloves is cold and rough, but his firm grip just feels so right and she just can’t help herself.

His right hand on her hips strengthens its grip andhe pulls her closer to him, so that now they are pressed together as close as possible, his hips pressing into hers, as he twists his left thumb almost painfully into the soft spot just above her hipbone. She winces but it feels so _good,_ that she presses into him even more.

The Master leans down to her, and his breath is so _hot_ against her lips and then they are finally kissing.

His lips feel soft and hard against hers at the same time and his stubble scratches over her sensitive cheeks and he pushes harder against her, slamming the doctor back against the railing.

Surprised she gasps into his mouth. Using the opportunity he slips his tongue into her mouth, their tongues sliding against each other.

The Master is kissing like he does all things. Rough and fast, burning _hot._ Determined and without hesitation.

He is burning right through her, she thinks and her hand comes up to the collar of his jacket to draw him in even closer.

_It’s consuming her._ And still she needs more. The doctor isn’t sure it will ever be enough. The Masters fire just letting this burning need inside her chest burn even brighter by the second.

Their minds are melding into each other, mimicking their bodies and she lets herself get lost in the sensation. The Master pushes his thoughts deeper inside her mind, and she lets him.

„Say my name.“ His voice is rough against her skin, as he starts kissing down her neck, licking the soft skin just underneath her jawline. „Say my name, Doctor.“There’s a desperation there she can’t quite place, but she decides to give him want he wants. She needs this just as much as he does.

„Master“ she gasps into the cold air, as his teeth slide over her jugular.

„No“ he almost whispers. „Say my name.“ His breath is wet and hot against her skin and now she understands. Now she can place the desperation she felt from him.

„Koschei“ she whispers and it feels so much like a promise it hurts, but he’s there and he grips her even tighter than before, presses her even harder into the railing and she knows he almost starts crying when he whispers his answer back.

„Theta.“he sighs against her neck. „Theta. Theta.“ Almost inaudible whispers into her ear. From his lips it sounds almost like a prayer. Dripping with desperation and need.

They haven’t been this close since their Academy days and she _aches_.

He reaches out farther with his mind, engulfing her completely and she now fully opens herself to him and just for one moment more it is pure bliss.

The doctor is too distracted and the mistake happens. She lets him slip into her mind just a little bit too much and he _sees._

The master reacts, as if she burned him and rips himself from her while pushing her back. So sudden is the separation, that she almost loses balance and falls over, but just in the last moment she catches herself and grips the railing with her left hand, that isn’t holding the still recording sonic.

„What did you do, Doctor?“ Pure, ugly _rage_ flashes across his features. _It’s back to Doctor now, is it._ „Doctor!“ he growls at her and she flinches back, hand still gripping the railing.

„Nothing.“ Its so obviously a lie, the Doctor doesn’t even know why she is trying.

„Liar.“ The master rages. „ _I saw._ Now tell me Doctor!“

On Moment of carelessness and the Master had gotten a glimpse of her plan. Internally the doctor is scolding herself for being so careless, she should have anticipated this. Thinking she could actually stay in control, being so close to the Master. _Stupid, stupid Doctor._

Down from the foot of the stairs the sound of shouting and running men is coming through to them. They got her message. Her plan worked.

„Why are there troops coming up the stairs?!“The master yells, scrambling to look over the banister, shoving her out of the way.

„Oh. That’s me…and one of Blighty´s bravest radio operators. Very good at sending messages. Particularly fake ones designed to be intercepted.“

„What have you done?!“ He is screaming now and with two long steps he’s back in front of her, his left hand up around her neck pressing her back against the railing, over the bannister, his fingers digging into skin, hard.

„Sent a message to the Brits…telling them how valuable you’ve been…“ Speaking is hard, the Masters grip is restricting her breathing and she’s struggling against his hand around her neck.

„…as a double agent“ she continues, now with a grin on her face even though every word feels painful. „…sending Nazi information to the British.“

Now he’s running towards the lift, calling it up.

„Facial perception filter? Very easy to jam.“ And she activates her sonic, just as he turns back towards her, pointing it at his face. „And now…they’ll see the real you.“

While he’s stumbling backwards whit a pained and angry grunt, his hands flying up to his face, the Doctor runs past him and jumps into the lift, the doors gliding open at just the right time.

„Good luck!“ And the doors close, just as she pushes the button to go down.

On the outside she is acting acting jubilant and triumphant, but all she can find inside of herself is bitterness and regret.

Still, she can feel the Masters mind pressing against hers, the separation having been so sudden, but he has closed himself off so much, hiding everything of him from her now, so that she can’t feel a single thing from him anymore, can’t sense a single one of his thoughts.

But of course she knows. With him, how could she not.

Just as he’s running towards the elevator, the glass door shuts right between them, just putting additional distance between them, separating them.

He is leaning so close to the glass, she imagines, if the door wasn’t there, his breath would brush over her skin. Just for one moment their eyes lock and it feels like eternity.

And then the moment passes.

Then she is watching the Nazi soldiers take him away, while the lift decends.

Soon as she is out of sight, she breaks down. Trying to balance herself, she presses her hand against the cold metal of the elevator wall, as she falls to her knees. Without the Masters heat, the coldness surrounding her is more intense, than it was before.

So many heartbreaks. How many more times would they have to experience this pain. How many more times would they hurt and betray each other like this.

_Will it stop then._

_Doctor._

Feeling him so close to her again. Mind and body. It showed her something, she had been craving for so long, but had shoved aside, after thinking it impossible when Missy was gone. Ignoring her thoughts and feelings, because they could bring her nothing but pain.

But now it feels different. No longer can she just push it all down, bury it deep inside of herself. Not with him having left this fresh imprint in her thoughts, not while she is still feeling him inside of her. It’s just too _real_ to ignore.

There’s nothing more she wants to do than to reach out to him again. Make _contact._

He has left a hole in her chest.

The encounter has ripped open an old wound, that had still not fully healed, now lying bare again.

Tears are beginning to well in her eyes and she holds her hands clutching at her chest, feeling her hearts beating so _fast_.

_How about that._

Lying on the icy metal, she has to resist to jump up and sonic the buttons of the elevator to take her back up to the balcony. Back up to _him_.

But of course she can’t do that.

She’s the Doctor. And today she is going to save the universe.

How about that.

_I win._

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry it's so sad. I didn't mean for it to go this way. It just happened. 
> 
> Also every single very time I tried to write 'How about that' I accidentally wrote 'Hoe about that' instead, so maybe that will lighten your mood. ;)


End file.
